Every time Lucy promises Charlie Brown she won’t move the football, she does, sending him somersaulting onto his back. That’s what this week has been–a succession of shit storms–large and small–that have knocked my mom repeatedly off her feet. Today, after a walk (during which we laughed a lot) and then a shower (during which we laughed even more), I was blow drying my mom’s hair when she started to shake uncontrollably. Her entire tiny body was a convulsion of movement and she couldn’t take a breath. And then she threw up. And not one doctor here knows why.
Watching someone you love suffer must be the tenth circle of hell, out doing lust, gluttony, greed and the other six by a long shot. Tonight, I would make a deal with the devil if I could take on some of her suffering because I can’t stand it one more second. It’s like Lucy has gone from cartoon character to demon and is going at Charlie with a knife
I am too sad, scared and stressed to put any more sentences together. I hear little mewling sounds, like those a wounded animal would make, and then realize they are coming from me. My mom is sleeping now–drugged up on Demerol, which has stopped the shakes for now. But I cannot even imagine what tomorrow will bring.
Just Before The Football Kick
Dear Suzanne, you will be strong because you are, and because you have to be. But oh, my heart goes out to you and your mom, and your whole family. You are a wonderful caretaker, but don’t forget to take good care of yourself too.
Your family is in our thoughts and prayers. What a horrible roller coaster! Hang in there and know your Mom can beat this!
So sorry to hear about the never ending surprises! I hope tomorrow brings a beautiful sunrise, lots of laughter and smiles. Big hugs to you, lisa
Tomorrow will bring more laughter. Stay positive my love.
XO
Suz,
My heart hurts for you!!! Please know that your mom, you and your sister are in my thoughts and prayers. I so wish comfort and peace for her. What a wonderful daughter you are. God bless you.
With much love to you, Linda
Suzanne,
My heart also cries for you. I never had to struggle with a loved one’s illness so intensely & can only try to imagine the emotional pain you must be going through. Stay in there, you are a leading life support in this ordeal along with the whole family. Bless you for sharing this demon with us so we keep sending good vibes.
Suellen
Suzanne, Thank God you are there…and thank God for strong drugs when we need them! You are a strong woman and you were a gutsy little girl I remember, but, please reserve something for yourself. I’m so glad you have those wonderful men to come home to when this nightmare lets up. This whole journey has been such an inspiration to me and your mom is one of the heroines of mine in this life. You express yourself so well and my feelings of empathy for you Rico girls has a healing effect on me and my own problems gain perspective.
Tomorrow could be a good day like yesterday…keep your eye on the horizon as you ride this scary rollercoaster. xoxox
I am with Kate…….I am deathly afraid of heights so in order to push myself beyond my comfort zone, I look at the horizon and I find comfort there…………There are so many people praying for you, your mother, and entire family. Sending you and your mother the strength and the positive energy needed to get through this. (((Hugs)))
Such a roller coaster you and your family are on…..sending hugs to you but tomorrow will be a better day – it has to be and for now, Thank God for the drugs. Continue to stay strong for your mom! She can beat this!!
Laughter is a wonderful medicine, so relish the moments of laughter you shared today with your mom. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a brighter day, and she will be able to laugh again with you. Your mom has an amazing strength, as do you, she will come through this too. My love to you and Simone, hang in there you can do this. Make sure you take time to take care of yourself. Hugs, Patty
Suzanne you are doing a great job. Keep your eye on the ball. The ultimate goal is wellness. The picture you posted – the aches and pains of your mom are there in her eyes .. a bit triumphant for sure, as I could see a twinkle .. that gain is not just for the body, it is for her soul. Somehow we mark a higher ground when we go through pain. I have no idea why. I am glad you are still in a fighting position .. wondering what tomorrow brings .. clutch those fists; be ready and endure .. my prayers and those of many are with you. God bless you for bearing witness. God bless your mom for saying I am ready, calm and full of grace. She has assumed the outcome of this fight and may her winning be with all her family soon.
“But I cannot even imagine what tomorrow will bring”
Good question.
it was the danish writer and poet Hans Christian Andersen who said once that even after the darkest night there will be the light of a new day. Wish you both a day with more laughter.
ciao, robert
Shit!! Shit!! Shit!! Praying for much better days soon and sending you All, My Love! Thank You, Suzanne, for keeping us all informed on this courageous battle for Life Love and dignity….your blogs are such a reminder of the blessings and the struggles we face in this life!! You are all surrounded with so much Love!!! Gabriele has been such a beautiful example of living life in the flow with Grace…..Remember in the horrible times that you are your Mother’s daughter…you have the same deep roots and the strength to withstand!!!! Big Hugs!!!
oh, suz…your last post brought such a smile to my face…i yelled YES in my office out loud…..hang on, and just remember..charlie brown DID kick the football…in 1981…in “it’s magic, charlie brown”…here is hoping and praying for gaby’s magic……..
stay strong, rico. love, mcklintock.
Hi Suzanne, I am friend of Gabriele and Richard. I was really touched by your words, all I can say is I am sending lots of love and thoughts to Gabriele, you and everyone else. Wishing you all some good luck soon…Paul
Pink clouds of pure hopeful clean good energy and all the love I can muster coming your way, dear friend. Hugs from KK to her twin too.
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